Pimps up, hoes down.

Prostitution. No other profession draws more false puffery from supposedly righteous people who then are found to be willing, active participants. There's an old saying...(well, it's a saying....well, I'm saying it now, aren't I?) That if you haven't found a politician's hooker then you stopped looking too soon.

Self-righteous opponents of prostitution point out that it's immoral, usurious to women, the destruction of the nuclear family, and utterly reprehensible. And they're right.

Equally self-righteous proponents of prostitution (including a columnist at the NRO ) argue that it's a woman's right to take advantage of her natural charms if she wishes. They point out that as long as there are ugly men with money, or wives who require bounties for sex, there will be prostitution. It's called "the oldest profession" for a reason, after all. Know what? They're right, too.

Strange, though, that libertarian John Derbyshire would propose a legalized, regulated guild-system. What's a guild but a craft-union? What's a union but socialized regulation? What's a right-winger doing taking up the cause of prostitution in the first place? Does his wife know?

Why is the solution to prostitution always to do something about the prostitutes? They are the ultimate free-marketeers, filling an existing need with a service. Why do we always throw regulations at them? They create no pollution (other than biodegradable latex waste), their jobs are not NAFTA-vulnerable (the youthful exploits of Clayton Williams aside), and no matter how hard men try to sway the market, quality of service is the ultimate determining factor. Leave the prostitutes alone.

You want to regulate and license something? Regulate the goddam pimps and license the Johns.

Make a pimp undergo a psyche eval, sensitivity training, and a legal class somewhat akin to real-estate licensing before they're allowed to take on employees. Make them pay the same taxes as my boss does to keep me in this cubicle. Hold them responsible for health insurance and paid leave and retirement.

Make anyone who wants to participate in prostitution from a client standpoint get a license. We license hunters, fishermen, air-conditioner repairmen, and hot dog vendors. You want to drive a car? You gotta be able to read that bottom line of tiny little letters, wear your seatbelt, and keep your car inspected. You want to pay for sex? You gotta get your finger pricked, prove you're safe to ply those byways, and keep your tacklebox clean.

Will there still be a black market? Yes. Will there still be slavery, degradation, and violence? Yes. But at least this way we can stop this bullshit wink-and-a-nod enforcement. We can stop going after Craigslist hookers trying to make a buck and focus on rich men importing and addicting slave girls. For every streetwalker that gets a night in the hoosegow there's a little Asian girl who will never see daylight again because she gets used up and all she ever wanted was a ticket to America.

Plus, this way it can be a boon to families instead of a threat. If the penalty for unlicensed participation is strong enough, husbands and wives will have to talk about the subject BEFORE the damage is done. When a mid-life-case says to his wife, "Your choice baby, motorcycle license or poon-hunting permit." it may just be the only honest conversation they have about men and our dicks.

It's still all about the dick. Let's reflect that in the way we address the issue.