Whickety Whack! Get out of my Sac!

I'm only thinking of my health.

New Wife

I think I'm gonna get a new wife. I'm not kicking the current one out, by any means. I just heard about this place over in San Angelo that's having a clearance sale. Might be a good time to pick up a spare on the cheap.

Zing!

OK. Look, I'm as conservative and ignorant as the next guy, but if you're going to sit next to me on a plane, open a book penned by Michael Crighton and point to it saying, "Right there in black and white, global warming is bunk science!" WHILE YOU'RE WEARING A MAGNETIC BRACELET TO IMPROVE YOUR GOLF SWING.....

Then I'm sorry, but I'm just going to have to fart and blame it on you.

There were two of them going back and forth the whole flight, one O'RLY talking point after another. One would start the "bunk science" routine and the other would say "immigrants are driving up oil prices!"

Really? Because they're driving construction equipment to build your soon-to-be worthless McMansion? Look, you're Italian, he's Irish. I'm Dutch and English. We stole the bitch first, why don't YOU get the fuck out?

The flight ended. I got up, they stayed seated. "You guys aren't getting off in Austin?"